


Felice Ano

by Australis_Reynolds



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Eggsy Unwin is a Little Shit, Language Kink, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Harry, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 20:58:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17251286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Australis_Reynolds/pseuds/Australis_Reynolds
Summary: Harry teaches Eggsy Italian, with sexy results.





	Felice Ano

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not usually a writer for this fandom, but this post struck my fancy: http://darcyfirth.tumblr.com/post/166799751007/so-colin-once-mentioned-he-mispronounced-penne-and
> 
> Pardon any translation errors. Hover mouse over phrase to see translation.

It started out innocently enough. They were in Milan, infiltrating a ring of smugglers. They had obtained a flash drive full of names and locations and evaded their pursuers. All in all, it had been a pretty successful day. Then it started to rain.

Their suits may have been waterproof as well as bulletproof, but neither Harry nor Eggsy looked particularly dashing when soaking wet. This point was peculiarly distressing to Harry, as he had taken extra time with his hair before that mission. If he had done so less because he needed to pass himself off as a wealthy prospective investor than because he was hoping to catch the eye of a certain pretty, young agent with a magnificent arse, no one could prove a thing.

Harry prided himself on his forbearance. On a normal day, he could have withstood looking a mess in front of the most perfect physical specimen he had ever laid eyes on. Tragically, it was not a normal day. While Harry had been impersonating a billionaire, Eggsy had been playing the ‘bit of rough’ to a wealthy heiress whose father possessed the flash drive they were now carrying. To say that Eggsy had been willing to play the honeypot would be an understatement. He had been only too eager, practically begging to be Harry’s partner on the mission.

Harry quickened his steps, eager to be back at the hotel. Eggsy quickened his own pace to keep up, grinning with a mouth that still had traces of red lipstick on it.

" _Piove sempre sul bagnato,_ " Harry sighed.

“What was that, Harry?”

“Nothing, my dear boy.”

They walked a few more steps before Eggsy’s natural curiosity once again got the better of him.

“You know, Harry, we’ve been in Italy two days, and this is the first time I’ve heard you speak Italian. Sounds good. Suits you.”

“Thank you, Eggsy.”

Eggsy made the face he always made when he was trying to be sneaky, and Harry gave him a warning glance. They stepped into their hotel and went to their room. Harry ordered room service for dinner, and then Eggsy continued his train of thought.

“Could you teach me Italian?”

“Me?” Harry was startled. Kingsman employed a number of language instructors for the benefit of all their agents. Eggsy could be learning Italian from Matteo, a fit man his own age. Harry’s jaw tightened. He must make sure that Eggsy never met Matteo. “Well, certainly I could teach you Italian. I’m quite fluent.”

In the time before dinner arrived, Harry had managed to teach Eggsy several common Italian phrases. It was only as they prepared to eat their pasta that things took a turn for the worst.

“Even I know this one,” Eggsy said, indicating his dinner with a fork. “I love _pene_.”

Harry was a bad man. He had done many questionable things during his time as a spy, but nothing that could outweigh how he responded to Eggsy’s slip of the tongue. He didn’t correct his pupil’s pronunciation. He didn’t even consider it. Instead, what came out of Harry’s mouth was “We should have dinner together once a week to practice Italian.” That was bad enough. What he would never forgive himself for, however, was what came next. “I’ll cook pasta.”

Eggsy beamed up at him.

…

At first, Harry did not realize what a mess he had gotten himself into. Eggsy spoke little Italian, so he could only form short, dull sentences. It wasn’t until a few months later that Eggsy was saying enough in Italian to give Harry pause.

“ _Adoro il tuo delizioso pene. Fa così caldo e mi riempie_ ,” Eggsy moaned.

Harry flushed red and tried to behave as usual. “ _Grazie_ , Eggsy.”

“ _Non sai che il tuo pene è il migliore che ho avuto nella mia vita?_ ”

Harry was a dirty, dirty man, and if he were half the man he wished he was, he would have stopped Eggsy right then and there. Instead, he offered Eggsy more pasta and taught him more words for “delicious.”

It became torture. Every Thursday when Eggsy came for pasta and Italian lessons, he complimented Harry on his pene. Sometimes, mercifully, he would only say a few words on the subject. (“ _Voglio il tuo pene._ ”) Some nights, however, Eggsy went on about Harry’s _pene_ at great length.

Tonight is one of those nights. It’s New Year’s Eve, and it may be a Monday, but Eggsy insisted on joining Harry for dinner. “I want your pasta tonight. I’m going to start the New Year in a state of perfect happiness, and for that, I need to be full of your pasta,” he had said to Harry on the phone. Well, that was what he’d meant to say, Harry was pretty sure. What Eggsy had actually said was, “ _Voglio il tuo pene stasera. Ho intenzione di iniziare il nuovo anno in uno stato di perfetta felicità, e per questo, ho bisogno di essere pieno del tuo pene._ ”

Dinner is an ambivalent affair. Eggsy talks about Harry’s pene nonstop, to his delight and mortification. Finally, as midnight nears, Harry musters his courage, turns to his lovely protégé, and says “ _Felice ano_ , Eggsy.”

“ _Voglio un ano molto felice. Ecco perché sono qui stasera. Ho bisogno del tuo pene per avere l'ano più felice della mia vita,_ ” Eggsy says, staring directly into Harry’s eyes.

“ _Ti meriti l'ano più felice del mondo_ ,” Harry says with great feeling. “My dear boy, I must admit something to you.”

“Harry, wait, I got something to say to you first. _Grazie mille per le penne. Posso avere il tuo pene adesso?_ ”

“You little scamp,” Harry says. “You absolute – well.”

“What can I say, Harry? The double ‘n’ isn’t that challenging, and I am very good with my tongue.” He looked up from under his lashes. “ _Cosa dici?_ ”

“ _Ti amo e ti darò l'anno più felice della tua vita._ ”


End file.
